I think I have gotten in over my head – quite literally – with a new group I joined on a social media platform.

I don’t want to mention the name of either the group or the platform, because I fear the admins might find out I’m talking about them here, in public, in print, in front of thousands of eyeballs.

No, this is not some underworld spy club. It’s not about politics or illegal drugs or conspiracy theories or a new religious sect.

It’s about hair – specifically curly hair, which is what grows out of my head.

I learned about the group by asking a couple of gals who sent me a press release with a photo of someone who had beautiful curls if they could ask the woman in the photo how she got her hair to look like that. This group is how, she replied. She mentioned the word “cult” with an “LOL.”

I decided to check it out. Alas, one has to be approved to join. So I read as much as I could without joining, then got interested in some of the topics, so I clicked the “join” button, and answered their questions – to make sure they know I’m not secretly a person with straight hair or a spy for a competing hair group.

It took a few days, but I was approved as a member. It was then that I learned this is a “private” group – with 258,000 members! How the heck can that be “private”?

The welcome message directed me to start by reading the posted announcements and guides – these would help me figure out “how to navigate the group,” it said.

The first part has four sections of introductory information. I promise it took me 45 minutes to read the section about “getting started.”

Get this: New members must read each section and click “Done” when you’re finished. And they keep track of what you have read. If you don’t read all the stuff, you can’t ask questions! They KNOW!

I know they know because I was reprimanded right off the bat. I read one section, clicked “Done,” and they directed me to the next section. When I went back the next day, I accidentally clicked on the third one and instantly got a message: You have not read the previous section. Read No. 2 before proceeding.

I should have known then that I was in trouble. I am not a newbie to social media and have learned quite well how to navigate the most popular sites. It is not rocket science.

But apparently, this one is hair science, with specific rules about how to wash my hair.

Yes, you read that correctly. There are rules about hair washing. Primarily among them is that I can use only conditioner.

I am forbidden to use shampoo henceforth and forever more – except, of course, for the Final Wash. I had to wash all the silicone out of my hair – with the very shampoo I’m forbidden to use anymore.

After washing, I am not to use heat to dry my hair. Air-drying is preferred, although one is welcome to use a microfiber towel or old T-shirt. Does anyone reading this have an old T-shirt hanging on the towel bar next to the shower?

I’m reading about co-washing, pineapples and plops. The first one I understand: It’s an acronym for conditioner only-washing. The others I won’t learn about until I’ve read the remaining 48 guides on the page.

A long time ago, someone gave me a Peanuts cartoon featuring the Naturally Curly Haired Girl: “People always expect more of you when you have naturally curly hair.”

Maybe that’s what this whole exercise is all about. All these members (apparently) have naturally curly hair, including the admins. So they expect a lot.

I’m just not sure I’m up to it.