In the bag
Most golfers have never heard of Percy Boomer. Truth be told, I can’t remember how I first discovered him and how his ageless, classic book, written in 1942, “On Learning Golf,” ended up in the collection of golf books I’ve accumulated over the years.
His lessons place the emphasis of a golf swing less on mechanics and more on feel, rhythm and flow. He emphasized the essence of playing golf as a connection between mind and body, clearly expressed in his quote, “If you wish to hide your character do not play golf. It will be revealed on the course.”
I know Percy’s teachings are highly regarded, but I think I can do him one better — I get an inkling of a player’s character before they even reach the first tee. I know all I need to know by simply peeking into a player’s bag.
If it’s a lightweight stand bag, designed for a player to carry clubs for 18 holes, it probably belongs to a fitness overachiever. An oversized cart bag, bursting at the seams, most likely belongs to a previously homeless golfer with hoarder tendencies who annoyingly hits several balls off each tee.
The accessories clipped to the bag can be more revealing of character and personality traits than a Rorschach inkblot test. A clicker to track each stroke is a dead giveaway for a frustrated accounting major dropout with questionable golfing skills. A small scrub brush to clean club heads and grooves belongs to a higher-level player with perfectionist, OCD indications. Iron head covers are most likely those of a fusspot golfer who probably has plastic covers on his living room furniture. A sparkling white golf towel signals a finicky clean-freak who won’t play if the turf is moist.
A bag tag from a Top 100 golf course usually belongs to a hoity-toity mid-handicapper with single-digit aspirations. A small pouch dedicated for tees and ball markers is a sure-fire sign of a fastidious, nitpicking rules enforcer. A player with an animal head cover is a kind-hearted soul who will most likely donate any winnings from the match.
A bag filled with clubs that are haphazardly crammed in typically belongs to a gregarious, fun-loving party-animal. On the other hand, a bag that has each club carefully and individually separated from the other clubs is a certain indicator of an anti-social isolate, who doesn’t watch his playing partners’ shots.
Older clubs that would be better placed in the USGA Golf House Museum are a tell-tale clue of a technology-denier with clubs ill-suited for their game. Clubs with chipped heads or bent shafts are either an indication of a player with violent, anger management issues or a golfer with gambling addiction tendencies, who plays a preponderance of risk-reward shots from extremely difficult lies with little regard for the low probability of success. In either case, it might not be a bad idea to ask the Starter if you could be moved to another foursome.
If, on a sunny day, there’s an umbrella secured to the bag, there’s a good chance this player is over-protective and to insure your safety will follow you to track down a ball hit into the woods.
A United States Golf Association Member bag tag typically belongs to a player who is a steward of the game, with a deep appreciation for its history, rules, etiquette and continued growth, but as a rare exception, may have only joined to get a complimentary ball marker and very cool US Open hat.
Finally, the dead giveaway of a player’s character is the frequently found fifteenth club in the bag — the lowly ball retriever. If spotted in a previously described large, bulging bag, its worn grip and twenty-five-foot reach erase any doubt you’ll be home in time for dinner.
You may be wondering about what hidden secrets this writer’s bag may divulge — I know better — I keep mine by the bag drop area with its cover on!
Rich Bernstein recently moved to Sun City - Hilton Head. Rich has been experiencing the joy, challenges and frustrations of golf since his selection as the 6th player on
