The paradox of pursuit
Last week I celebrated another birthday. My twenty second, twenty first birthday, woo hoo! We piggy backed having to attend a midweek wedding in Lake Wales, Florida with a bit of a couples get away and birthday celebration at the “Happiest place on Earth,” Walt Disney World. It was the first time in two years we got away without the kids.
And, it felt strange. For the last five years, every Disney trip has been with our children. To stay at the same hotel and walk the same paths without them felt like a dream. Not a magical dream, but one of those foggy dreams where everything seems familiar yet off. A little bit of “this should be cool, but it’s not.” What gives!?
It took us about 36 hours and a couple of butter bars from Karamell-Kuche at the Germany Pavillion in Epcot to shake that feeling and truly start enjoying being just us again. We learned what it felt like to finish our sentences and thoughts completely, bask in silence, and to simply exist in peace. That silence was golden, not just because of the rest it brought, but because it made us realize how much joy usually fills it. And how grateful we should be to have that chaos.
Somewhere in that quiet, we remembered our why. For us, it started years ago with our first Christmas ornament that says, “Let’s Go on An Adventure.” Boy have we been on one. From traveling the country for two years full time in an RV to climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro (pregnant), to moving to Bluffton on a whim to help market a construction company, to having two kids… it’s been an adventure for sure!
The simple phrase on that ornament became our north star. It shaped our relationship, our family, and even how I run my business. But here is what I realized on that trip. We became so caught up in the adventure that we forgot to enjoy it. We even forgot we were on one.
That is what is called the paradox of pursuit. You start chasing or living in something that once inspired you, and before long, the chase itself takes over. Life takes over. Instead of you chasing, it’s chasing you. You forgot your why, and it just all feels like it’s happening to you. Life moves so fast that you stop remembering what you were after in the first place.
It is easy to say you will slow down once things calm down, once the next goal is hit, or once you have “arrived.” But the truth is, the arrival never feels like you expect it to. Plus, by the time you get there, you are already planning the next step and you forget to relax. Then suddenly, decades have gone by, and you forgot to enjoy it.
Silence, rest, and reflection break that cycle. When you pause just long enough to appreciate the moment, you remember that the pursuit itself is the gift. The insanity of a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old are the best gift ever. The insanity of a commercial and residential construction company is a blessing.
That short trip reminded us that we are already living the adventure we once dreamed about. It does not take a new destination to find joy. It just takes self awareness, pause, and gratitude for where you already are.
So if you are reading this and find yourself in the middle of the chase, take a moment to stop and look around. You might realize that what you have been working for is already here. Enjoy it.
Because at the end of the day, the journey is what makes the story worth telling.
Ryan Chowansky is the owner of Bluffton Builders, LLC, www.bluffton.builders.
