A 5,319-yard hole-in-one
A lifelong golfer, I admit to being a little embarrassed and frustrated about the gaping hole on my golf bucket list. No matter what breakthroughs I’ve accomplished, the reality is that my bucket list will never be fulfilled until this must-have golf feat is finally realized.
Looking at the checkmarks on my golf bucket list, you’ll see scorecards showing first-ever milestone rounds breaking 100, 90, 80, a once-in-a-lifetime sub-70 and the first round I scored below my age. There’s a checkmark for my most-holes-played-day — 54 holes —comprised of 36 holes, followed by two “emergency nines.” There are checks for courses I’ve been fortunate to play and the Majors I’ve witnessed.
Yet, there remains a void as I review my list. I’m not getting any younger, and the pressure builds to post the granddaddy, the crown jewel, the gold standard of checkmarks — an official hole-in-one.
Upon arrival at every par-3 tee box, I look forward to finally getting the hole-in-one monkey off my back. My enthusiasm, however, is tempered when one of my playing companions, who typically has a hole-in-one notch in their belt, subtly asks “Have you ever had a hole-in-one?”
Grimacing silently, I’ve pretended to listen with joy about how their perfectly struck shot landed two feet beyond the pin and sucked back, as if pulled, into the bottom of the cup. I’ve suffered through endless narrations of every flight, bounce and roll of each of their aces. Woo-hoo, so happy for all of you!
I’ve had my share of sit-on-the edgers, bang-off-the-flaggers, finish-behind-the-holers — yet sadly not a single bucket-list-qualifying-finish-in-the-cupper. If you ask me, at this point, based on the number of ace-attempts I’ve had over the years, I should get a checkmark for defying all laws of probability by NOT getting a hole-in-one!
Admittedly unofficial, I do take great pride in my 5,319-yard ace, which must be the longest ever recorded. My sliced drive, struck from the tee box on hole number three, banged off the trees lining the right side of the fairway and mysteriously found its way into the bottom of the cup on the adjacent sixteenth hole. A more rules-conscious player may have taken relief, dropped the ball off the surface of the green and continued playing the third hole. But if you look up the definition for a hole in one, it simply states hitting a single shot from the teeing ground into the cup. There’s no mention made as to which cup, so why not simply add the total yardage of holes 3 through 16 and declare hitting a 5,319-yard hole-in-one?
Despite more than sixty years and an untold number of shots, that remains my only hole-in-one on record, unofficial as it may be. My golf bucket list remains incomplete – no wall plaque displaying a photo of me holding up the ball played for an official ace, no scorecard highlighting the “1” officially posted, no remembrance of a 19th hole celebration with my buddies for my first official ace.
All those things would certainly be nice, but when you’ve already made a 5,319-yard “unofficial” hole-in-one, does it really matter?
Rich Bernstein is a resident of Sun City. Rich has been experiencing the joy, challenges and frustrations of golf since his selection as the 6th player on his 5-player high school golf team.
