The hidden secrets of a golf architect

As we head out to the course for our next round of golf, our minds are filled with thoughts of all kinds, ranging from a swing concept that worked well last week to wondering about the speed of the greens, the weather conditions or the lunch special at the 19th hole Grille Room. Surprisingly, not many of us give a moment’s thought to one of the most important and consequential individuals who affects every one of our shots, from the opening drive on the first tee to our final putt on the 18th green: the golf architect.

A golf course designer has an exceedingly difficult and challenging task. Like an artist preparing to create a new masterpiece, the golf course architect is given a blank canvas stretching over approximately 150 acres, with the formidable challenge of “painting a picture” of 18 varied golf holes that best use the landscape to its full potential.

Although education and experience in the fields of landscape architecture, agronomy, engineering and environmental science are surely required, there is no doubt a surprisingly different list of prerequisite studies exists.

How else can we explain why our golf ball just landed in a solitary, 6-foot-wide pot bunker on an otherwise wide-open, totally unobstructed 485-yard hole? Why else does our golf ball strike a single tree with a 3-inch diameter when, given the opportunity, we couldn’t hit it again if we tried 100 times? How did the golf architect know where to perfectly place every out-of-bounds marker, penalty area, patch of knee-high fescue, pond, creek, greenside bunker and fairway bunker to await the successful capture of our golf ball?

A close inspection of any golf hole reveals the evil trappings of the golf course designer. Whether you have only a passing, occasional familiarity with these undesirable areas or a deep, family-like attachment, be assured it is not you or your teaching pro who is to blame. It’s clearly attributable to the work of the golf course designer.

Although the profession of golf architect is highly respected, you don’t have to be a psychologist to note their unhinged obsession with diabolical and deceitful designs. Examples of such trickery include the placement of a bunker in the middle of the infamous sixth-hole green at Riviera Country Club and the tiny island green on the teasingly short, 137-yard 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass.

Only a scheming golf course architect could have predicted that LPGA star Charley Hull would stand over a birdie putt on the fifth hole during her opening round of this year’s Women’s Scottish Open and walk off the green with a quadruple bogey. Her birdie attempt rolled past the hole, off the false front of the green and into the rough. After three unsuccessful attempts to chip back onto the green, Hull finally succeeded with her fourth and then sank a 12-foot putt for a 9.

To those who believe it’s just a bad break or an unlucky “rub of the green,” I respectfully disagree and place the blame for these examples where it clearly belongs: on the calculating, devious golf course designer. After all, without ever having seen us hit a single shot, they have the uncanny ability to place every hazard and penalty area precisely where our golf balls will come to rest.

A peek inside a golf architect’s office may reveal the mystery of their sinister designs. On one side, we’ll surely find the expected tools of the trade: shelves filled with engineering and mathematics books and a desk covered with computers, calculators, protractors and compasses. But on the other side, I suspect we’ll discover the real secret to their prophetic creations: books about mystical forces, clairvoyance and soothsaying skills, and a stack of Ouija boards, tarot cards and crystal balls.

What a relief to finally discover our high scores aren’t due to our lack of skill. We’ve simply been outwitted by the supernatural powers of our favorite golf course architect.

Rich Bernstein is a resident of Sun City - Hilton Head. Rich has been experiencing the joy, challenges and frustrations of golf since his selection as the 6th player on his 5-player high school golf team.