Well, aren’t you something ...

I wish you had seen my face the day I realized that “Bless your heart” really didn’t mean it. That was a shocker!

I can tell you it’s a world apart from “Go in peace.”

My mother, being a true New England girl, had her own repertoire of sayings. And when someone said them, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“I can whittle me a better-looking baby than that kid.”

It always cracked me up.

“You couldn’t carry a tune if they gave you a bucket” was devastating if you were trying to sing in first grade. Lord knows I couldn’t whistle to save my life, even today!

I had a neighbor who would always say, “Well, if it were me ...” and then tell you exactly the opposite of what you were doing, all in that subtle “you are such an idiot” way.

Take the saying “Good luck with that.” It can go either way: wishing you luck or muttering under your breath, “That is the stupidest idea you’ve ever come up with, but good luck with that.”

I’m not talking about the iconic “You can’t get there from here.” That’s definitely heard in every state.

If you live in Beaufort County, I truly believe the saying “I’ve got a bridge I can sell you” emanated from trying to get around Beaufort, Lady’s Island and just about anywhere without traveling 20 miles in any direction.

There’s an exclusiveness that evolves. Nothing warms the cockles of your heart more than hearing, “Look what the cat dragged in.”
I don’t know. Perhaps it’s different in the Midwest.

Back in the day, they’d say, “When you’re right, you’re right.”
Huh?

Although I used to say, “Correct me if I’m wrong,” to my husband only when I was dead right!

And who doesn’t smile when a little kid discovers the word “actually”? That, and the word “right?”

When you cross your fingers, are you hoping for extra luck or praying you won’t get caught in a lie?

New Englanders can’t quite wrap their heads around “y’all” because we say “you guys,” which is the same thing. But saying “y’all” is kind of strange, like adding a Southern accent to a Yankee twang.

It’s just not right, although it makes perfect sense.

But the best sayings were always uttered while my mom, dad, Aunt Sally, Uncle Scotty and grandparents played poker. They could rival any dice-tossing gambler in Vegas!

For years, I believed that after they played cards, they were going shopping for stuff for our little cousin Frankie because they were always yelling, “Baby needs new shoes!”

They were the worst bluffers. They had a million tells. And every time they’d lay down a pair of threes, we knew “that dog don’t hunt.”

My aunt would drag the mile-high pot of nickels, dimes and quarters toward her and mutter, “Well, aren’t you something?”

That was my mother’s favorite expression. It could be a compliment if she was looking at your report card or a polite insult if a relative started to boast.

It rivaled “How’d you like them apples?”

But “Have a blessed day” would stop her dead in her tracks!

She’d spin around and give them the evil eye or a middle-finger salute.

Either way, I learned some things are better left unsaid.